Driving Me Crazy

You know, baby, driving is a serious game,
You gonna get me a heart attack....
                                              - lyrics from "I Love You" by Yello

I have known for many years that there are some pretty bad drivers on Ohio’s roadways. Some are licensed, and some are probably not but drive nevertheless. I know for a fact that many Ohio drivers do not have insurance on their vehicles as the law requires, but since there is little consequence legally, those same drivers keep on keepin’ on. Why let trivial matters like driver’s licenses and insurance keep them from their “God-given right” to drive like an idiot?

You are probably wondering why I am on this tangent. Well, to be blunt, I am SICK of crappy drivers! Since I live in a small town in a rural part of Buckeye Nation, my wife and I are required to navigate two-lane roads to get from Point A to Point B. It is a rare car ride indeed when we are not greeted by an oncoming vehicle drifting over the center line.

Some like to hang the driver’s side of their vehicles over the center line once in a while, as if challenging this artificial barrier that they appear to have some disagreement with. Sometimes they wander over the line so far, we think we may have to drive into a ditch to avoid a head-on collision. What is strange is that “driver drift” has increased quite noticeably over the last month and a half. The offending vehicles are cars, SUVs, dump trucks… just about every vehicle type you can imagine, including the occasional motorcycle.

Sometimes the reason for this poor driving is obvious. When the driver of the oncoming vehicle keeps glancing towards their lap, he or she must have spilled a cup of fire ants on their britches, or else he or she is looking at his or her phone. Since we don’t see many fire ants in Ohio, I am assuming the latter is more likely.

 It is pretty obvious that precious few drivers in Ohio were taught how to make a left turn. I somehow doubt that driver’s education instructors across the state told their charges, “When turning left, be sure to drive through as many lanes as possible before finally reaching the lane you desire. If you feel especially kind that day, use your left turn signal before you drive through everyone else’s lane.”

While I see many case of this left turn disease daily, I saw the epitome of this epidemic just yesterday, which was Labor Day. Since it was a holiday, The Highway Patrol was out in force, pulling over speeders and other ne’er-do-wells. My wife and I had a little shopping to do in the Lima, Ohio area. We were in the left turn lane at a major intersection, and were approaching the red traffic light. Another vehicle approaching from the right was making a left turn, and not surprisingly drove through my lane, coming close to hitting the left front of my vehicle as they usually do. The big surprise was that this vehicle was an Ohio State Highway Patrol car being piloted by a trooper. Yes, a state trooper, sworn with enforcing the traffic laws of Ohio, was incapable of making a left turn!  He was not responding to a call, as there were no lights or siren, and no high speed acceleration once past the turn. He was just another crappy Ohio driver on his way to make other Ohio drivers a little more miserable. By the way, I have never had a ticket or other citation, so I have no bad experiences with the Highway Patrol to jade my viewpoint (other than that trooper’s poor driving, that is).

Anyone who has been driving for a while has some close-call stories. Our closest call came on a Saturday evening as we were driving to town for some Chinese food. As we were rolling along, a sedan driven by a teenage girl passed us as about 65 MPH or so. She must have had her cruise control on since her speed never wavered, and it was obvious that she was distracted by her phone. Coming toward us in the opposite direction was a Buick with two people on board. We saw what the possibility for a head-on collision coming, since the teen girl was driving in their lane while passing us. I hit the brakes so as to allow the girl plenty of time to get in front of us. Because she was clueless to what was about to happen and her highest priority at that moment was her damn phone, she continued in the oncoming lane. Fortunately, the Buick realized that the idiot teen was not going to return to her own lane and drove their car off the side of the road. This likely saved their lives. The clueless moron continued on her way, eventually getting back into her own lane.

The moral of my blog story today is simple. When you are driving, just drive. We all want to get where we are going without someone causing an accident!