We have been staying home, only leaving the comfort of our home for vital supplies. Each trip out is a risky trek into the unknown.
The wife and I ventured out at 5:45 AM this past Tuesday to
take advantage of Walmart’s “Senior Hour.” Yes, we old fogies have a glorious golden
hour to ourselves at 6:00 AM on Tuesdays, enjoying the wonderland that is Walmart.
That is what we expected, anyway.
Instead, we had 60+ year-old line crashers who decided that
the orderly queue that had formed prior to the opening of the doors at 6:00
AM wasn’t for them. Instead, as the doors opened, they hurried out of their vehicles and jumped the
line, letting everyone know that they were indeed God’s Chosen People, and
that waiting in a line like us common folk was beneath them.
Inside the store, older shoppers bumped into you as they
reached for items you happened to be standing in front of. Six feet be damned,
because for to them - this was WAR!
We did find everything on our shopping list, which was just a tiny bit miraculous in itself. While putting our bounty onto the cashier’s conveyor belt, my wife had to admonish the couple behind us in line to backeth upeth six feeteth. Prithee!
Now, I
would expect old folks to appreciate social distancing since they are the
demographic most at-risk. Evidently, crass stupidity and selfishness is more
motivation than pestilence and death. Perhaps they thought the COVID-19 epidemic
is more “fake news?” I think I’ll take my chances with the masses next time rather than with my peer group..
Speaking of which, the masses will thankfully be reduced. Walmart
has clamped down on people
who drag four or five kids to their store. Beside
the fact that these kids should be working on school lessons rather than shopping with mommy, bringing these walking
germ factories to Walmart risks the spread of COVID-19 on an exponential level.
Their view? Who cares about those damn old people anyway! As long as I’m not inconvenienced,
it is all good.
Walmart just introduced a policy where each person has one
cart. No couples. Bummer for us. No parent(s) with a hoard of kids in tow – HURRAY!
Immediately after this policy was announced on
social media, the “single moms” who whine about having no one to take care of
their “key-ids” began howling in protest. Excuse my old-fogieness, but the only
“single mom” that I know of was the Blessed Virgin Mary. If you have four kids
by four different men, “single mom” is not the term that springs to mind.
Stores are also limiting how many shoppers can be inside
their establishment at one time in order to comply with social distancing
requirements. It won’t work. Until they install guard towers with machine guns,
social distancing is just a suggestion!
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